Gazing in the Grass

"Men look at women, and women watch themselves being looked at." I had to come post this as soon as I walked in the door, because honestly, I was just that woman described in the quote. And to be honest again, I have been that woman... more than once, twice, three times... I look at is as a sort of mating call... Like the Birds of Paradise, who color their plumes and put on ridiculous shows for their potential mating partner - that's kind of how I see it. I was riding the subway home from work, and across the way, there was an extremely dashing man... he was mysterious, with his sunglasses and his tattoos across his neck, a scar right in the middle, where a dark green figure 8 moved perpetually while not moving at all (my analysis is that he believes he will be eternal, death or destruction no matter). Regardless of all of this, I felt him looking at me... and I wanted to look at him too, but instead, I looked inside, at myself, and felt my heart beat a little faster. I started shuffling through my ipod, and breathing a little deeper, because I knew he would be able to see my sternum rise and fall, and probably be drawn to my clavicle. And I didn't mind. Because I found him attractive too. I am not so sure that he was trying to exercise some sort of patriarchal power over me. I am not so sure he was trying to be pervasive and objectify me either. Why does it have to be so dramatic like that? Maybe he just thought I was pretty, and I thought the same of him. I was looking at him in the same way he was looking at me, but I definitely took note of the fact he was looking at me, and changed my behavior/mindset as a result of that. Regardless of the power and idealization, it did become a situation of audience/spectator. But I could have easily been "objectifying" him also. I could have been exercising my matriarchal power over him. Who's to say it was anything so intense as that? Couldn't it have been a simple fact that we found each other attractive?

I understand that because of history, and how things have played out, the male gaze is indeed something to be aware of, and critical of. There have been many instances where the male gaze is perverse. Woman has no doubt been a source of titillation, beauty, excitement, and interest to men. Let's face it, we are definitely more appealing to the eye (and I say that in jest). The thing I grapple with the most is this huge wave of pornography, and how that can affect men (and women). I am surprised no one has mentioned this yet in class. Porn can become such an addicting aspect in one's life, and completely ruin anything real or meaningful. The perverse nature of this material is already somewhat uncomfortable, but when you see how it can take over one's life, you realize the power of the male gaze.Women become these idealized things, fantasies, the drive behind an active pursuit of personal pleasure and gratification for men. To me, I feel there are two sides of the coin. Men gain power in the sense that women can be seen as degrading and nothing but sexual pleasure objects. On the other side, women can gain power from this as some dumb fool who is so obsessed with her sexual nature will give her money, attention, and pleasure as well, while potentially going against everything he has in his own private life.

bell hooks introduces us to the oppositional gaze. The oppositional gaze is one that takes a more critical approach. It is the response to the male gaze, in the sense that one being looked at will look back in a certain way. It is a form of resistance to the objectifying nature on a male gaze. Dating back to the early times of the slaves, when they were told not to look at their master, and in turn were gazed at with disgust, the oppositional gaze was formed - slaves learning to look at their masters or others on the plantation in a certain way. The oppositional gaze is interesting, because it grants a little more assertiveness to the one who is doing the looking. That is a nice thing compared to the objectifying nature of the male gaze. Perhaps my experience on the subway, and the way I was looking at that man, could be looked at as a form of the oppositional gaze (though I also think it could be viewed as the "female gaze" which I am coining for all intensive purposes).

Not to oversimplify, but we are all just human. We are curious, interested, rude, nice, mean, ugly, beautiful, and so many more things... it is human nature to look... to stare... to glare... to "gaze"... everyone is different in their intentions, in their likes and dislikes... but we are all one.