Lori J Palminteri

When I was a kid I thought I was psychic because I used to get unhappy and stressed for no reason at all. I didn't tell people because I was afraid people would deem me crazy, even my own parents. Later I found out that these "psychic powers" are known as "anxiety attacks" in the real world, and they suck. Luckily, at a very young age I also learned that neuroticism and petty situations turned tragic were actually quite funny when the eyes were squinted and the head was cocked to the left just a little.

I always liked to write so in middle school I decided I would be a journalist. My first choice was to write for television, sitcoms preferably, but being the neurotic person I was/am, I pre-determined that journalism was more secure. At Suffolk County Community College I pursued this goal, becoming a staff member on the newspaper. I hated it. The articles published were boring and I was in no way proud of anything having my name at the byline.

I eventually worked my way up to being Editor in Chief, hating every minute of it, because I thought once I was EIC I could have control and publish what I wanted to publish. My first issue as EIC was right before the epic election and I was to write the feature. My original submission was an informative piece peppered with satire...it needed work, but I was really proud of it. Anyone who is familiar with print journalism is aware of the grueling editing process. And after my piece went through a series of versions, there was not one joke left. And that's when I realized...news journalism hates me, so I said "fuck this shit." Except I wasn't nearly as badass as I make it sound.

And now I do stand up comedy.

Who do I think I am? I am someone who is not giving up just yet.